“And the Award goes to….”
The presidential debate held on Sunday, October 9, 2016 was hardly a respectable town hall meeting. At best, it was a highly debatable skirmish run amok. At its worst, it was a horror show featuring its two stars, presidential candidates Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. I realized, 20 minutes in, that I had groaned repeatedly, furiously texted my political confidante about the extremely slippery slope upon which all viewers could not help but bear witness to, filled my wine glass twice, and had flipped over to my recording of the Real Housewives of New Jersey for a reality check.
I am still experiencing voter angst over the lack of any clarity that is usually gained when two grown people debate. There were moderators and common folk there asking relatively important, sometimes provocative questions. The responses, however, were a study in deflection and defensive posture. They were, at times, just plain stupid. Who in blazes thinks so little of the American electorate as to allow this traditional presidential debate forum to run off the rails? Yikes. And we are yet to be served Part 3 from Fox News on October 19th.
I decided to mitigate my thwarted anticipation and disappointment by handing out awards and a few nods. Just to regain some clarity. Here we go.
Meet, Greet, and Shake award goes to…Bill Clinton. Because Hillary and Donald didn’t.
Walk a Mile Not in My Damn Shoes award goes to…Donald Trump. I’ve never seen anyone stalk and walk a stage quite like him.
Best Fashion award goes to…Melania Trump. She wore Gucci’s “pussy bow silk crepe de chine shirt”. In raspberry hot pink. I’m surprised Donald didn’t grab it.
Oh, That Darn Technology award goes to…Hillary Clinton. Raise your hand if you are sick of hearing about her emails and server when she was Secretary of State. And the multiple times she mentions her website, hillaryclinton.com, so we can (frequently) “fact check” or “fat check” or try to discern anything not covered in her two minutes. That’s what I thought. You can put your hands down now.
Breathe Better Strips award goes to…Donald Trump. Especially in the middle of a rant. You can count on the noisy, sniffy, extended inhale to suck some more oxygen out of the room. I never heard that on “The Apprentice”.
Affordable Care Act award goes to…Hillary Clinton. She was thinking about this years ago. She was almost tarred and feathered for bringing the mere idea of health care reform to the table as First Lady during the 90’s. President Obama signed the bill H.R. 3962 into law in 2010.
Obamacare is a Damn Rude Misnomer award goes to…The Republican Party. They don’t care about Obama. No how, no way. The insurance industry coined that phrase. They suck on it like a bitter pill. Poor things.
My Temperament is My Best Asset award goes to…Definitely NOT Donald Trump. I have three picks for this award. I give the nods to Vice President Joe Biden, Atticus Finch, and Lady Gaga.
“Suck On My Balls, Boss” award goes to…Definitely NOT Hillary Clinton. Anyone that has been offended or marginalized by The Donald during this election season WISHES they could give it to Hillary after Sunday’s debate. C’mon Hillary. Especially after he threatened you with jail, called you a devil, a liar, and said that you have hate in your heart. Your base has your back, ma’am. Step on his neck for fuck’s sake. Just like you would a snake. Sometimes, when someone goes too damn low, you can’t go high because you will only make it to the middle at best. And then your eyes panic and you put a ridiculous smile on your face after every insult and hope his two minutes are soon up or that the damn microphone will short out. When he insults you and threatens you, he is insulting and threatening the American people. There are multitudes that are outraged and that would love a minute of face to face time. Now represent.
My nod goes to Beyoncé for this award.
All My Children award goes to…Hillary Clinton. She loves all children. She’s been fighting for kids and for their wellness and good health since she was a grown kid. Many consider this to be her strongest and most sincere platform. She authored the book It Takes a Village (to raise a child). Many consider it a worn out platitude. It actually is an African proverb that continues to hold truth today.
Kids like Hillary.
All My Children award #2 goes to…Donald Trump. He loves his own children. They circle him like wagons. I found it fascinating that, when asked to name one positive attribute about her opponent, Hillary said that his adult children are “capable and devoted.”
Kids are scared of Donald Trump.
Energize America’s Energy award goes to…Donald Trump. His face lights up, his voice is calm and presidential, and his proposed policy is clear about unleashing America’s potential regarding our natural resources—gas, oil, coal, wind, solar. He’s for all of it. Get it (because resources exist aplenty on USA land, sea and air), use it, sell it. Quit buying it from others that like to keep their buyers on a short leash. And, worse, quit stockpiling what we already have. Energy always needs to move.
Coolest Person There award goes to…Mr. Carter in the audience. Cool dude, great question. “Do you believe you can be a devoted president to ALL the people of the United States?” Because his question was soft spoken, both candidates walked towards him and looked at him directly. And responded directly to him. Only time it felt like a true Town Hall meeting.
We Are Trying to Be Cool award goes to… Martha Raddatz and Anderson Cooper. For two people put to task to moderate immoderate behavior, they did a fair to middlin’ job.
Do We Really Want a Woman for President? award goes to…every man that supports the female candidate but whose secret DNA roadblock still gives him night sweats about a woman leading our country. These men, in my opinion, have had the toughest time supporting Hillary Clinton. Rejecting Trump and his callous cruelty is easy. Really believing that Hillary has the chops to be President has been difficult. That’s why all the claims of her distrustful and lying nature stay present. Men will support her, but always with a caveat. Keep the caveat to yourself, men. It’s your opinion to have, but it sounds like a punk bitch whine when expressed. When a glass ceiling is broken, confidence and support is to be lent to the interim when the glass is still shattering and falling to the ground. Masculine energy should exude strength and conviction in this instance. That is what women will greatly respect from men during this tumultuous, historic time in our country.
New Sheriff in Town award goes to…Donald Trump. Really? I thought you were running for President. Special prosecutor to put Hillary in jail where she belongs? So he does admire Putin.
Hair award goes to…The American people. Because we are all pulling our hair out over something with this election.
And also to…
Donald Trump. Who can really explain his hair. It’s almost iconic.
I Resent Scrutiny of My Taxes award goes to…Donald Trump. So you are shrewd, wealthy, and have dogs to find loopholes in the tax code. Presidential candidates are transparent about tax returns. Quit having a fit. I am grateful that my tax dollars support well-being of mind, spirit, and body in this country and that I can meet the responsibility to pay them. Not paying may be “good game” to some, but it’s never smart. It is tight fisted. And it is ignorant to be a braggart about it.
Get Out and Vote award WILL GO to…every registered voter that votes. Whether you are sure of a candidate, can’t stand the thought of either, are still undecided, or don’t trust Congress, there is one thing that we can all be in agreement about. The right to vote is not only our responsibility, but a great privilege. Think of even a single thing that you love about this country and its people. Most of those “things” exist because we do vote. Exercise your right to vote. And if you don’t, may any opinion you have about the results not even cross your lips.
Let’s face it…We are all in this together. Cast your vote, America. From sea to shining sea.